I have a new computer and I'm back!!

I'm not sure if since I got ill time has moved really slowly or if it's sped past. I've been thinking about it for a few days now, and I really don't know. I think it's kind of akin to being pregnant. It feels like it's dragging on forever whilst it's happening, then, when it's all over and you have that little baby you wonder where the hell the time went?

Since I was diagnosed it's been both. There are times (mainly when I was bed bound) when every single day felt like a year. Being in pain, it seemed unending and time ticked past so slowly it was unreal. When I've had other illnesses and infections on top of the norm time somehow managed to move even slower. When I was pregnant, it felt like the longest 10 months of my life.

But other points since I got ill when it has felt like time is on speed! I feel like parts of my life have just shot past, bits that maybe I was supposed to live to the fullest have just carried on whilst I was out of it. This has occurred mainly when I sit and look back, realising how long I've been ill for and wondering where on earth the time went. Also, when I was at my worst and bed bound, weeks appeared to vanish in a flash, I would be asleep or partially sedated so often that I wasn't even vaguely aware of how much time had past. Occasionally I would feel it was hours, maybe even just minutes, when in fact it was days or even weeks!

Sorry about the long gap, my computer broke and only had my phone as a connection to the internet and typing on it for longer than a text message really wares me out. So, now I have a new (and shiny, and light) computer AND a new ipad (beams with pride) I am once again all "technologied" up. I've been saving for an ipad since the first one came out as I thought it would be easier than a laptop in bed, and lighter. I chose to go with the new one because it has voice dictation, I also have been sorting out dictating software for my phone and eventually my lap top, so I can write not matter whether or not my joints are disagreeing. Yay! Anyway...

This disease has a funny way of messing with time, or at least perception of it. Chris says that time moves quickly when I'm iller, for him that is. I would assume it's because between working, caring for Niamh and looking after me he simply does not have a moment to stop and think about it. I'm sure other family members and indeed friends feel like time has moved more slowly since I've been ill. I often have the "it feels like you've been ill forever" and "aren't you better yet" conversations, simple response "it does" and "no".

 I often wonder what Niamh will think when she's older? At the moment she doesn't know any different, having a mum who is ill is normal to her. Will she ever know any different? And if she does get the opportunity to experience having a healthy mum, would it be fair on her if I relapsed again and it all went down hill? There are so many questions to which I don't think i'll ever have the answers, especially not the right ones!

Here are mine and Niamh's 366 photos for today:

And Niamh, in the park, with a ball and a stick.

I feel I must mention the sad news this week of the death of Emily Collingridge. She was a very severely affected M.E sufferer and died at the age of 30 from the illness. She was a very caring, very loving individual who helped many dispute her situation. She wrote and published a book on living with severe M.E which was a lifeline to both me and my family at times during my illness. I would like to dedicate this blog to her. A longer, more detailed dedication can be found here.

RIP Emily Collingridge 1981-2012 fly high hummingbird, sleep well with the angels, no more pain.